Remember when you use to yell at us for being rascals, running everywhere and into everything. We would start off in the living room, thrash through the bedroom and then somehow we’d end up in the basement without a clue as to how. The one thing I noticed was that you would always yell at the others, but not me nor my brother. Perhaps it was because you loved us more, since you know… we were the ones from Canada after all. The grandchildren that you see once a year if not twice. Grandpa on the other hand never showed any affection. I remember him sitting in his little corner at his desk, always looking busy, looking like he had important things to do. But now, all I see in him is the reminder of you.
Every time I see him, I see you. I see the unconditional love you had for each and every one of us.
Grandma, you were a soldier. You survived years when the doctor said you only had months. It was amazing, but at the same time what is so amazing about living in pain day after day. The hurting you endured was contagious. We all felt it when you felt it. We all cried about it when you cried about it. But now that your gone, I wonder if you miss us like we miss you. Do our feelings reach you, wherever you are? Do you believe in reincarnation? If so will we meet again? Or do you believe that once you’re gone, you’re simply having a dream that will last forever? If so, am I in your dream? I hope so.
If I was given one wish, I would wish for you to be alive again. Specifically, the you that was 10 years younger so you could see how much I have grown, how much we have all grown. All you ever wanted for us was success and you never gave me a chance to show you it. Even though you’re not here to see through it with me, when I do become the success you’ve always envisioned us to become, I will close my eyes and hope you hear me whisper that, “I’m on top of the world, grandma.”
I miss you.